Pushing the button

There’s a scene in the film Apollo 13 where the crew are about to power up their on-board computer for the final leg of the journey home. It’s been switched off for days, sitting in the freezing temperatures of the crippled command module. Kevin Bacon, playing the astronaut Jack Swigert, hesitates as he goes to flick the first switch. This is the computer that will bring them safely back to earth but the panels are now dripping with condensation and if the electrics blow, there’s no way back. The success or failure of the mission might hang on what happens when he pushes that button.

What has a film about three astronauts stranded in space got to do with a career in freelancing, I hear you ask? Is this just a heavy-handed way to shoehorn in a reference to one of my favourite films? Well, yes. It’s a brilliant movie and if you haven’t seen it, stream it pronto. You won’t be disappointed. But it’s also a metaphor for where I am right now. I AM Kevin Bacon (so to speak).

At the start of this year I was facing some unexpected and very difficult personal and professional challenges. The kind that leaves you feeling adrift and scared, and very unsure of what the future holds (not unlike the crew of Apollo 13; yes, I’m sticking with it). Taking some time out to recharge and think about where I was heading next, the idea of diving into freelancing full time, after several years successfully tickling around the edges, seemed a very distinct possibility. I’d go so far as to say it felt like a ‘now or never’ moment. But I was also full of self-doubt. Was the work out there? Could I make a living out of it? Where would I find clients? How would they find me? Did businesses still need people like me? How long should I give it before I admit defeat?

That self-doubt held me back for quite a long time. Until a few weeks ago, when I finally plucked up the courage to launch myself out there. Yes, I’ve started small. I’ve built a portfolio and sent it out to a few agencies who might be interested in working with me, and had some very positive responses - hooray! I’ve got myself up and running on social media, hopefully to connect with the wider freelancing community and benefit from their experience and wisdom. I’ve started to actively hunt for jobs online, linking in to various groups and recruitment sites. And I’ve started this blog to record and reflect on my entry (or should that be re-entry?) into the life of a freelancer.

Has all that self-doubt suddenly evaporated? Not on your nelly. There is a lot to be said for playing it safe. Not risking something going wrong. Not facing failure. And putting myself out there is daunting, to say the least. But the time has come for me to ‘push the button’ and see where it takes me.

Which brings me neatly back to that scene in Apollo 13. Looking at the dripping control panel, Swigert asks mission control how likely it is that one of the switches will short out. The answer? “We’ll take that one at a time, Jack.” I think that’s good advice for my journey too.